Valentine Sex, Love, and a Soul Mate in a Box

Curated by CLAI

Soul Mate in a Box: Or SMIAB is a person we rarely if ever meet and in some cases never speak to, but to whom we feel closer than anyone else through instant messages, emails, Skype, FaceTime and texting. Unlike hookups, these relationships are all about sharing your every thought, idea and emotional burp. But they are also, crucially, about being able to close your laptop and turn off your phone whenever you want to and continue about your life as you wish, unencumbered.
If a couple felt as if they had gotten to know each other so well online, how could that intimacy suddenly drain away? One explanation: They didn’t actually get to know each other so well. They only got to know what was served up, a two-dimensional collection of images, text and, for some, audio. When the messy parts of us aren’t on display from the beginning of a relationship — when awkwardness and fumbling and being forced to be present without a mouse-click escape hatch all enter the scene — it’s hard to catch up. As good as it felt to be able to create an ideal version of ourselves, it can feel jarringly worse to have that control suddenly yanked away. Second explanation: We often find the object that’s far away to be more enticing than the one that’s nearby.

Couple in bed

Couple in bed (NYTIMES)

RESIGNED LOVE: Pull back on the marriage improvement program and instead join the ranks of the appreciatively resigned. They will realize that passion does not equal love, and that the loss of one doesn’t necessarily mean the loss of the other.

DESIRE v EQUALITY:The less gender differentiation, the less sexual desire? If men did all “feminine chores” like folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming, then couples had sex 1.5 fewer times per month than those with husbands who did “masculine chores”, like taking out the trash or fixing the car.

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